I received the following question from a good friend of mine. I was very grateful to receive it as it is a sign and reminder of the struggle that we should all have. I wonder if our "sanctification" is all too easy and taken for granted, but then I am reminded that people really do wonder, struggle and wrestle with difficult things - a true sign that the Spirit is at work.
Here is his question:
Dearest brother David, how art thou! K so, Ima try my best to phrase the question I was trying to ask :)
So here is the conflict:
Whenever I bring my sins before the Lord, I recognize what sin is and that I am a sinner, and I remember that Christ has taken their weight and punishment from me already. I pray this, but inside my head there is this nagging thought that hits me every time, telling me that I don't fully believe this. I feel as if I am saying, "Thank you Christ for dying for my sins, but I only deserve to go to hell because you created me so."
How can I be born (essentially with no choice) deserving nothing but hell? I could accept understand better the concept of deserving eternal punishment if I feel like I had a choice to sin or not, but the problem lies with me feeling my only choice is to sin.
So therefore when I am given relief from eternal punishment, I am inclined not to feel the fullness of joy and thankfulness I should, as I am only dug out of the hole I was put in.
This sounds extremely greedy and unthankful of me, but its the reality of how I feel and these questions are stopping me from feeling grace how I should, and from giving God the praise he deserves. I don't want to feel this way when I ask for forgiveness, and I guess I just want a way to accept or understand that I am believing a lie. But this lie looks so true. Anyways, yeah so thats the nuts and bolts, I'm sure the issue will become less of one through sanctification, but for now its eating me up.
Thanks for reading :P
Yeah, Bob, this is a good thought. I can see that you don't take Christ lightly and you don't see the Faith as something silly or trivial. I've always been encouraged by your thoughtfulness.
When I read over this, I hear a lot, perhaps more than you are meaning to say. I believe that you are struggling with two things. First, you don't see how utterly Holy the Lord Almighty is, and secondly, you are struggling to see how utterly holy you are not. Yes, on an academic level you get it; you know how to say the right things, you get TULIP and the other "isms", but when I read statements from you like "dug out of the hole I was placed in", and "how can I be born, with no choice, deserving hell", there appears to be a disconnect between what you know and what you know know. You are being tempted here, and I pray that you flee it. All that said, I believe the following will be helpful to keep in mind.
First, we must understand that there is no "I" without the Lord. You and man are his creation. He has every right to do with it as he pleases.
14 What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God's part? By no means! 15 For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” 16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion, [2] but on God, who has mercy. 17 For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” 18 So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills. (Rom 9:14-18)
Secondly, you are being tempted to think, "this is not fair, I had nothing to do with this." You're right, it isn't fair, but the object of fairness is backwards here. Was it fair that man brought sin into creation? Certainly not, is it fair that the Lord cursed man and his offspring? Yes, completely fair and just. For if God does not punish, God becomes the harlot. Because of His Holy Character and His Just Will, there must be payment. Would 60 billion lost souls in hell be enough for this payment? Would that we all died and eternally punished would certainly be fair. But, because He is merciful, and in light of His dear son, he has sought his sheep and rescued them from what they deserve (2 Timothy 2:25-26). How amazing is that? How amazing was it that as soon as man sinned, the Lord provided a way.
Thridly, having a choice to sin or not does not make us potentially Holy before God. As I have established above, we are not born in a state of neutrality. If we did have choice we would not choose God (Psalm 10:4, John 3:20, Romans 3:10-12), so in turn knowing this should spur us on in gratitude.
Finally, I believe that you are being honest with this, which is so encouraging to see. This is not easy stuff, and I know that more people struggle with it but are not willing to take the time and effort to know their savior and search the scriptures, like you are. You have been a big encouragement to me. Let's continue the dialog.