Well, maybe that title should read "How to play Godly in Church when conflicts arise". Given my recent conversations about this topic, I'd like to formulate a biblical understanding of the topic and hopefully bring honor to Christ and His Body while doing so.
I have many to thank for helping with this topic. I am truly thankful for the Godly men in the Body who boldly communicated certain truths to me recently in a winsome and truthful manner. I welcome any and all feedback and will always, by His strength, treat such feedback as a gift.
While thinking and praying through this topic, I believe that I was able to condense it into a few key areas. In these recent discussions, these definitions kept bubbling to the forefront of most of the dialog. These are unity, idols, "Nice", disputable matters, and tone. I dissect each of these below.
Definition of Unity: Unity within the body is a laudable, noble and Christ-centered goal. Unity, however never means "getting along" or "no fighting", "or one voice". The biblical definition of unity is worshiping the Lord and Risen King with one voice, loving truth and is characterized by being grounded in the knowledge of God's Truth, being in harmony with Him....
"And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd." John 10:16
True, God-Honoring Unity begins by rejecting false teaching, false doctrine and embracing Truth. Love and Kindness, although very good effects, are not the means to achieve unity but the result of holding firm to God and His Word and maintaining true Unity.
"27 Only let your manner of life be worthyof the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel," - Philippians 1:27
An attitude of unity therefore requires Love in communication and humility in acceptance - another famous two-way street.
Acceptable Idols: We are, I am, so blinded by acceptable idols and it is glorifying to God that he uses the Body of Christ to help point those out. In relation to conflict, making hurt feelings, winning arguments, conversions to arguments or anything else other than the truth is making these things an idol and should be abolished along with all others. These are all good things to be sure (or good things to avoid), but doing so at all costs is simply wrong.
"Six things that the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes,a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers. " Proverbs 6:12-19
"22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
Nice Communication: "Nice", like Unity, has to be defined within and governed by the Truth. It is never nice for instance, no matter the tone of an argument, article or post to lie to the reader. Sometimes this is intentional and sometimes it is not. Either way though (but it does make a difference) it is most important to tell the truth. So, if the author is communicating an unbiblical position, no matter the words and tone used, it should never be understood as unifying for the body of Christ just because the tone is palatable.
That said, because we are purchased by His Blood and marked by His righteousness it is always acceptable to use a gracious and winsome tone. This should be easy for us (but rarely is) given what we've been given and the Grace that we've received. Bold proclamation should never be replaced with despair; a call to repentance never replaced with demeaning words or actions. We are to Love our Brothers and Sisters IN THE LORD - loving Him first and his Sheep. We love the Lord, His Grace and His Sheep also by sharing the Grace and convictions that we've received by proclaiming the Gospel in every area of life.
"May God grant you all repentance... in the hope that God will grant
them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they
will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who
has taken them captive to do his will." 2 Timothy 2:23
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;" 2 Cor 4:8
"Now abide faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is
love" I Corinthians 13:13.
"For the whole Law is fulfilled in one
word, in the statement, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself'"
(Galatians 5:14).
A Disputable Matter: this category of knowledge is a dangerous one. I know that such a category exists but it does not exist in the same way that I have seen it used. A disputable matter is NOT a matter in which Christians may decide for themselves - Paul does not give us this category so that right and wrong have no bearing on the intricacies of life. Paul gives us this category to show us how church can work. By this I mean, that not every sin is a matter of potential excommunication, but a sin is still a sin and repentance from said sin is still required. Furthermore, I am personally thankful for this category as it allows, even commands, me to worship next to people with whom I have big disagreements on very key items.
Separating the Tone from the Message: These are different categories so it is therefore possible to separate these things, even though one can sin at both, either or neither when delivering a message. When addressing the situation it is helpful to speak to both, BUT truth of the message has to override the tone. For instance, someone can speak softly, with a smile, perfect pitch and tone, while at the same time say there is no God. The scriptures, hands down, speak more about the factual nature of a statement, then the tone of the message. Both are important, but not equally important. All of that said, many, especially in the Reformed camp struggle with tone more than truth and we would be wise to store up a terse, angry tone to the 4th or 5th iteration of a conversation (or debate) before jumping or starting with it. It is an all-together different situation when the audience is generally ignorant of the Biblical position, verses a heals-dug-in-stiff-arm to the truth (a truly arrogant) position.
I finish this post with the following reminders to myself mostly and I pray that the reader finds these helpful as well. I am very thankful for the Sisters and Brothers that the Lord has used time and time again to minister to me and my family.
- But earnestly desire the higher gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way. 1 Cor. 12:31; 13:13.
- Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Rom. 12:10.
- so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Rom. 12:5.
- For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. Gal.
5:13.
- submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph. 5:21.
- May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, Rom.
15:5.
- Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to
bring praise to God. Rom. 15:7.
- And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you
yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, and able also
to admonish one another. Rom 15:14.
- Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, Eph. 4:15
- For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. Gal.
5:13.
- Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Gal.
6:2.
- Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another
in love. Eph. 4:12.
- submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph. 5:21.
- Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. I Thess. 5:11